Sadly, my time in Taiwan has come to an end too fast. Despite having 3 months left teaching and 4 months left on my visa, Fulbright has been suspended worldwide with little to no loopholes to stay. It was so fast. Monday started normally with our weekly email from Ina, one of my county’s coordinators also known as our defacto “mom” in Taiwan. It was just detailing updates on the upcoming workshop schedule and a reminder continue to watch our emails. Then two hours later in the middle of lunch I get a group message to check our emails.
I opened my email (which I rarely do while eating lunch – I typically only have my phone with me in case I need to translate a word), gasped and dropped my phone. All I saw was Fulbright was suspended and that we were to be sent home in bold letters. My school director noticed right away and asked me what was wrong. I didn’t understand the full story so I did my best to scan the email and told her there was a chance I had to go home. Upon reading the email properly and thoroughly on a computer after lunch was over and my dishes were washed, I noticed a big detail, don’t tell your schools yet because an official notice has yet to be publicized by Fulbright. Well, that was out of the bag and I didn’t feel too bad about it. If Fulbright was pulling me out despite me thinking it was safer in Taiwan, I have every right to tell everyone and not to hide how much my life was turned upside down.
I was literally shaking from the news and then had to go back to class like nothing changed with a smile on my face. I am lucky that I wasn’t the few in my cohort who read the email in a class of children. A couple of friends started crying when they read it, and I have to admit I was close as I tried to explain what it meant to my LET. However, the email didn’t seem too, too bad. I was given till April 12th to return home. That was 3 weeks away. I could still do the few things on my bucket-list I already planned out: a trip to Monkey Mountain (one of the reasons I came here in the first place because my old Chinese teacher used to go to school on it), Green Island (an island with an aboriginal population and snorkeling), and I wanted to take the Bubble tea DIY course from the restaurant that created bubble tea in the first place. I had thought I would be going home earlier than not and had literally planned and bought tickets for all of these things to make sure I completed them before heading home. I assumed that since we were given to April 12th to fly home – I chose April 7th to be the best date for my return. A return on April 7th would mean that I could travel to all the places I had originally planned and still have time to return my scooter, clean my room, close my bank account, and say my goodbyes. My parents had other plans.
They must’ve taken one look at the email I forwarded to them and thought I was coming home that same day. That was impossible, but rationalizing why I needed to stay another 2 weeks in Taiwan to travel when each day the US is closer to closing its borders was a little too much to ask. I hung up with my parents knowing that there was really no way to argue for more time. Their points were good and my argument to stay in Taiwan till the end of my grant was void because Fulbright pulled the plug. It took me time to recognize the impact leaving Taiwan would have. It’s not just that I don’t get to travel to all the places I wanted or that I didn’t get all the material goods I hoped to get (coming home still tea pot-less and without cool chopsticks or gifts for the family), it’s that I have made a life here. It’s like graduating in that I don’t know if I will ever see these people that I call my friends. I will leave my students when they need me the most. My departure also left the 2nd and 1st grade classes in limbo because they were solely my responsibility and in some cases I was a solo teacher. Will those students get to continue their English classes or will they have to wait till 3rd grade or next year for a new foreign teacher to take my place? I don’t want them forgetting everything I have taught them. Even my LET said the 2nd graders know their colors better than the 5th grade students.
My 2nd and 1st grade students are my pride and joy. They showed that I can be a good teacher and that my creative ways of teaching and patience worked in the classroom. We covered numbers, colors, animals (both zoo animals and everyday animals like dog, fish, and lion), adjectives (tall, short, old, young, big, small), and I had just begun to teach them emotions. With each lesson we worked on sentence creation and with each sentence they learned, so did their confidence. By the end of last semester, I had my first and second graders yelling questions at me while they waited in line for lunch. I’d hear Grace the most shouting at me “What is your name?” I would always answer in the same enthusiasm they asked and strike a pose waiting for their response. My encouragement to use English out of the classroom led to some of my students repeatedly asking to play rock, paper, scissors, or get a high five. The high fives were great in the beginning of the year, but with the rise of the virus I was constantly trying to stop them from asking for high fives to avoid the nurse freaking out with the amount the students were touching each other.
I have gotten completely off topic. Anyways so to clear up the timeline, I found out at 12 on Monday that Fulbright was suspended and to keep an eye out for more information. After finishing not only my school classes, but also the English class I teach for two of my teachers, I returned home to try and grapple with what the news meant. After a conversation with my parents it did not look good. I came to the realization that that week was probably going to be my last. Knowing that the longer I waited to return home would limit the flights available, by 11 pm I worked out that it wouldn’t only be my last week, but most likely my last day teaching at 崁頂國小, the school I teach at on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It was too late at night to text my LET so I opted to get to school early to let her know.
Irene and I have had a good working relationship this year. She plans the lessons for 3rd through 6th grade, while I prepare everything for the 1st, 2nd and all school English classes. We clue each other in on our plans for classes and take time to gossip like friends. With our relationship as it is, I was beyond nervous to talk to her. I knew it had to be one of the first things I said to her because that is not the kind of decision you come to realize in the middle of a day and I needed to give her as much warning as I could give her. After setting my bag down in the teacher’s room I meandered around the school courtyard till I saw her coming and pulled her aside. I explained everything that had changed since the email I saw the day before and she just seemed shocked. She took it pretty well and we went inside for her to get settled. I was sitting at my desk reading an article when Irene came back with tears in her eyes, the information finally sunk in. We weren’t looking at months anymore, but on days with that being my last day at 崁頂國小. After a heartfelt conversation explaining the decisions and emails again we told the director that that was going to be my last day teaching. He seemed surprised and didn’t understand. With what would become the most popular teacher reaction to the news, he just looked at me and told me Taiwan was safer and why would I want to go back to that. No matter how many times I had to explain it wasn’t my decision to leave, all the teachers were horrified that I was being asked to leave early and return when the US is in such shambles over there care of the virus.
As a result of my departure being so sudden the entire conversation revolved around everything that changed. I wasn’t given the time to make proper goodbyes. I had plans to write cards, to give some fruit to the 2nd grade and 6th grade teachers who also seem to leave treats on my desk for me to try. Those acts of kindness spoke millions, especially on days in which I lost confidence in my Chinese speaking ability. What was worse than not getting to talk to the teachers properly on the meaning they have had on my experience and how much I appreciated them, was that I had to tell the students that that would be my last day of teaching. Irene asked if I was alright with telling students at the end of classes so that we could try to have some sort of productive class first. We then ran out of time to even tell the 5th graders. We were doing an activity where they drew clothes on a cutout and labeled them with the vocabulary from their chapter. Emily and Langus (pronounced Lan oos and is her aboriginal name), the two fifth grade girls, took coloring as an opportunity to ask my LET and I personal questions. The best being that they asked Irene if she wanted to have kids and how soon. Irene wouldn’t answer so then they turned to me. Although I understood what they were saying, I told them I didn’t understand and that they would have to ask in English instead. Irene refused to help them with the word pregnant so instead they used their hands to try to get me to understand their question and repeating the word baby. I found it pretty entertaining as they grew frustrated in our not answering. This conversation distracted us enough that we never brought up the fact that this was my last day.
崁頂國小 building, track, and my students and I playing basketball during their break
The next plan to make up for not telling the 5th graders was to mention something in Morning English. I had the sentence all planned out, I will miss you. Sweet and simple, while still teaching a new sentence. However, in the fast-moving nature of everything happening I had forgotten the 6th graders preparing for the English competition were already told they were using Morning English to practice their presentations in front of an audience. So yet another period passed with my inability to share my news. It felt like a burden. With every passing class period I felt like I was living a lie by not telling my students it was my last class. The day was almost halfway done by the time we found time to tell a class, my 4th grade class, that I was leaving. It was painful. I am glad we started with a class that had enough English that they could formulate responses in English or at least understand their Chinese. I could answer their questions myself without help about how I wanted to stay, but the US government was allowing me to. Godzilla had tears in his eyes asking when I would be leaving and his tears were rolling when I told him I would be leaving at the end of the week. It got worse when he also found out Crystal, another ETA that lives with me and who volunteers at the Catholic Relief Fund- an organization that helps underprivileged families, would also be returning home. He has grown close to both of us through my classes and Crystal’s volunteering. We took a picture as a class outside and at that point Irene decided we needed a picture with every grade and I am thankful for that. I don’t think I would’ve asked myself seeing as it would take time away from their classes to take pictures with us.
The only class I didn’t get a picture of was the 5th graders, my first class of the day.
In my third-grade class I didn’t even get to be a fun teacher that I normally am or at least see myself as. We were waiting till the end of class to say anything about my leaving and as a result we were losing the students’ interest on an unprecedented level. I admit we weren’t doing anything super entertaining, but it needed to be done. The students have to turn in their workbooks to the directors on certain dates throughout the semester leaving us to complete workbook pages practicing counting and writing during school. As Irene taught in the front, I walked amongst the desks and kept my eyes on the trouble makers in class: Ian, Tyler, and Jack. Usually Luke is part of this group, but sadly he wasn’t at school. I am pretty sure I made more comments about paying attention in that one class than the rest of the semester. Jack was drawing on his desk, Ian was doing homework for another class in his lap, and Tyler was turned completely around playing with the magnets on the teacher’s desk behind him. Just when I thought I was the “cool” teacher these students proved that I don’t take nonsense and quite possibly am not as “cool” as I thought my teaching was.
My sixth graders took the news the best. They had heard the rumors from the other grades that I was leaving and were prepared to hear it. There one lament was that know they didn’t have anyone to help with their pronunciation of the cup song from Pitch Perfect that we have been practicing at the end of classes where we finish early. To appease them my LET agreed to spending the whole class period doing a photoshoot of such and then practicing the cup song with not only singing, but also with the cups. I realize we only got to do this because the students are ahead of their lessons and I have never been so grateful that their English level is so high. It seemed fitting to be ending class with the cup song singing about missing each other and leaving. I would’ve been sad if it wasn’t for us constantly laughing as we messed up the cup portion of the song. Cups were flying off the table, Irene would forget a beat, or Rebecca would just not pass her cup and would start accumulating the cups by her. It was a blast. To end the class period the 6th grade teacher, the teacher responsible for letting me go on their singing and drumming fieldtrips and for including me, gave me a book in Chinese on the Bunun people and their traditions. 崁頂國小is a Bunun community school. It’ll take time to understand what the book is saying, but the sentiment of sharing their culture with me meant more than I can put into words.
Student Introductions
崁頂國小
First Grade: (L to R)Grace, Maggie, Sammy, Irene, Ellie, Seth
missing Henley
4th grade: (L to R) Irene, Angel, Rambo, Godzilla, Simon, and Kevin
2nd grade: (L to R) Jay, Bailey, Irene, Rhino, Angela, Jasmine, Lisa (who pronounces her name as Pizza), and Lilly
3rd grade: (L to R) Ian, Jack, Tyler, Austin, Mia, Bell, Irene, Finn
Missing Luke
6th grade: (L to R) Andy, Irene, Celina, Rebecca, me, Sophia, Joyce, Noah, and Tim
電光國小
All school: (top row L to R) Charlie (4th), Andy (5th), Daisy (5th), Sarah (6th), Jordan (6th)
(Middle row L to R) Patrick (2nd), Morgan (1st), Julia (3rd), Kate (2nd)
Front: Peter (1st)
Following 6th grade I usually have a free period and then my first-grade class. Even with the bad news the day before, I had spent time making sure my first-grade lesson plan was ready. I had all the supplies to begin teaching them about emotions, focusing on happy, sad, mad, and tired before moving onto scared, lonely, and silly. However I was told the period before that we wouldn’t be having English class after all. My LET assured me we could still get pictures with them, but that we wouldn’t be seeing them in class. Its hard when you don’t know your last class it the last one. I took those moments for granted and didn’t realize how fulfilled I felt after the 1st graders classes because you can see your impact on their speaking ability and confidence. I did have a photoshoot with my students and in their individual pictures you can see their personalities, especially Ellie who chose to make faces in each picture we took.
Morning Flag Raising every Tuesday
Saying goodbye at 電光國小 was a little different. I needed time to pack up my room and move out so I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay for the whole day. Originally, I thought that I could stay till lunch time so I could teach my two classes as well as lead Morning English, but after throwing out 6 bags of trash and things I couldn’t bring home the day before I realized I needed more time. I notified my LET I would only be able to come for Morning English. I showed up a little early with a hamper filled with every office supply I had purchased throughout the year and any other item I could think that the school might have a use for. The week-old basketball Sean and I bought to play while he visited, yeah went to the school along with its matching pump. I met Irene by the scooter parking so she ca secretly pass me a gift she had previously got me. I don’t know what time she found to go out and get a gift in the day and a half before giving me something, but it was too kind. She got me some Taiwanese tea because she has noticed how much I love to drink tea throughout the school day. – side note: one of the things I left for Irene was the rest of my chai tea because they don’t have that in Taiwan and she had been curious, I mean does black tea with pepper and cinnamon really sound good? -. Irene also got me a beautiful bracelet made up of all these polished stones from Taiwan to match my jade necklace. I really couldn’t have been luckier in getting her as a LET.
The teachers at 電光國小 already knew about my upcoming departure from Irene the day before and the email I received on Monday so they had a little more time to prepare and prepare they did. When I walked into school I was greeted with hugs and envelopes filled with masks. I think I came away with 40 masks from all my teachers combined for the way home. At Morning English, instead of teaching the children about the weather, we taught them the sentence “I will miss you” like we had planned at the other school. Unlike 崁頂國小， 電光國小didn’t have time for me to have a real conversation with each student. When Irene and I announced the news to everyone I think Kate and Patrick, my two second graders took it the hardest. We have grown really close over the year with me joining in their games during break. I wish I had the time to talk to them one on one to tell them how much they have improved and how proud I am of them. Without that time available, we took pictures instead. After pictures the principal gave me a school hat with lightning bolts because at 電光國小translates to the lightening tribe’s school, a school shirt, and a mug. They were all so very kind to me. I already know I am going to have to go back because that school has become a part of me and I wish I could just give them more because those students deserve the world.
L to R: Fifth grade teacher Olivia, Third grade teacher Guanguan, and school nurse Kate
電光國小 Principal
My last drive home from school took longer than usual. The beginning of tears made me look at the rice fields differently. I kept stopping to take pictures. The pictures I kept telling myself I would take. One of the rolling mountains in the background, blue with the distance. The rice fields waving in the breeze as the workers sprayed them down. Despite my greatest effort I still never captured one of the white birds taking flight from the rice fields they eat from, one of my goals from the beginning. All these places have grown to be part of my daily schedule, taken for granted until I knew I was losing it.
When I first accepted my Fulbright, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I could practice my photography and filming while I was away and it would give me time to think about what I want in the future. I feel changed by Taiwan. I see not only my own life, but the lives Americans live in a new way. I already miss my Taiwanese community. A community that bolstered each other in hard times, gave up things to make sure others didn’t go without, and who always offered shared food to build friendships. The values I uphold are as important to me as the people in 關山. They all will be missed.
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